Norman Ortega nearly sent me to the fainting couch with this zinger:
And Bernice, well, she does a good job reporting on city matters, but when it comes to Latinos, she admits to shopping in Westfield. Apparently, downtown Latino and Afro businesses are not good enough for her.
After I finished clutching my pearls, I realized that I have transgressed even further by ... dare I say it? Shopping online!
Is there nothing I will stop at to avoid shopping in downtown Plainfield at Latino and Afro businesses? I expect an army of shopkeepers at my door wielding flaming torches - or at least some wet noodles.
How have I lived here since 1983 without realizing it is mandatory to buy my shoes and clothing downtown? I suppose my purchases at Macy's before it closed were also wrong, wrong, wrong, because ethnicity.
It will be very difficult for me to give up my turtlenecks from L.L. Bean for some trendy urban wear and, truth be told, I don't think Plainfield is ready for the sight of a 77-year-old in what I see in store windows downtown. I am a down-and-fleece girl at heart, not a lace and Spandex sort. But if pledging allegiance to the Queen City means turning in my Clarks for Timberlands and doffing my chambray shirts for bustiers, let the conversion begin.
Feel free to avert your eyes.